A Mother's Prayer
by looneyluna
Summary: A mere theory of where Ursa may be and what she's thinking


A Mother's Prayer

By

Looneyluna

Disclaimer: This was written for personal enjoyment. No profit is made. All characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender belong to Nickelodeon and Viacom.

Summary: A mere theory on where Ursa may be and what she may be thinking.

Rated: R for references of violence

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I stare at the wall as my attendants drag the comb through my tangled hair. They say nothing. They are mute, chosen for this task by my husband long ago. They are probably captives like I am.

The comb catches in my hair, but I do not wince. I know no pain other than the separation from my children. Death would have been preferable to this.

I pray to Agni for Zuko's safe keeping. I know better than to mention his name in Ozai's presence. It enrages his temper and I do not think I can bear the punishment again. I know that Azula is safe. She is Ozai's favorite.

Bowing my head, no tears come. I must compose myself before Ozai arrives for the meal. If he senses any weakness, he will exploit it.

Hate festers within me, the betrayal of my entire life shaping who I have become.

I was born to a wealthy noble family and groomed to be the wife of a noble. I was cursed with beauty, a beauty that attracted the attention of the youngest son of Fire Lord Azulon. My father was pleased when Ozai petitioned for my hand in marriage.

Ozai was not without his charms. He wooed me accordingly and convinced me of his "love" for me. It was only later that I found out the depravities he would sink to get his way.

He blamed me for the birth of our son. When the royal physicians had confirmed my pregnancy and the due date, Ozai had demanded that the pregnancy be terminated immediately. He did not want his child to be born in an unlucky year.

Wasting no time, I plotted and executed my escape. I gathered up every trinket he had ever given me and disappeared into the night. His pursuit was relentless. I never stayed in more than one place for one night. He was always one step behind me.

Later, I would realize that he had tracked me through the jewelry I had used to pay my way. By the time he caught up with me, terminating the pregnancy was out of the question. He could not take the baby without risking injury to me.

He needed my womb. He demanded his heirs be born of noble flesh, not that of one of his numerous concubines. I barely remember Zuko's birth. I remember fearing for his life, fearing that he would be taken from me and killed.

Zuko was born early on the cusp of the unlucky year. After his birth, Ozai's advisors tracked my every move, including my fertile times. He carefully orchestrated the conception and birth of our next child, cursing me when I gave birth to a girl.

Azula. I fear for her as well. Not only does she look like her father, but she has is temperament. He favors her now, her unbelievable Firebending abilities having earned her his attention. She is yet another pawn in Ozai's road to glory.

We are all pawns – sacrifices to Ozai's ambition.

There was a time in my life I thought Ozai capable of love. I thought his ambition to be harmless, but I have learned otherwise. It is through his mechanizations that I committed a heinous crime.

I murdered Fire Lord Azulon.

I killed a man I held in high esteem because I thought he meant to use my son as punishment against Ozai. I should have known better. I should have known not to trust the rumors, but I could not take the chance.

Iroh's dearest son, Lu Ten, was dead, Iroh's fate unknown. My husband seized the opportunity to realize his dreams. Though I wasn't present when my husband asked for his brother's throne, I can imagine what Azulon's reaction must have been. Unlike Ozai, Azulon held Iroh and Lu Ten in high esteem. I played right into Ozai's hands, portraying the part of a vicious murderess and taking Azulon's life.

I did it to protect my son. I did it to secure his future.

I may as well have signed his death warrant.

After killing Azulon, I ran away. I ran as quickly as I could. I wanted to take Zuko and Azula with me, but there was nowhere to go. There were too many witnesses who saw me going into his chamber…too many who saw me come out. Realizing the futility of running, I stopped.

I had enough time to say goodbye to Zuko and to try to explain my actions. I shudder when I think of how much my son must hate me.

The guards were prompt. They knew exactly where to find me. I had prepared to be executed, but it wasn't my death Ozai sought. He sought to hide and keep me for his pleasure. He sought to torture me for my role in his father's death.

Now I live in the darkest recesses of the palace dungeons.

Ozai is Fire Lord. He will stop at nothing to secure his future and his throne. I fear him, the thoughts that run through my head feeding my paranoia and ravaged nerves. There are rumors that he conspired to kill Lu Ten. If there were any basis in the rumors, Iroh would surely kill Ozai…unless my brother-in-law is also dead.

I keep my face neutral as they finish styling my hair. It won't be long now. Ozai will arrive soon. There is no mirror here. I cannot see myself. Everything sharp was removed after I attempted to take my life the first time.

Echoes of metal doors opening and closing signal my husband's arrival and the attendants scurry away from me and leave the cell. The door is left open, but I know better than to try to leave. The labyrinth of tunnels goes nowhere. I would never find my way out.

Taking a shuddering breath, I compose myself and wait. My fate is sealed. I cannot run. I cannot hide. I pray for my children and hope my actions will protect them.

Plastering a pleasing smile on my face, I greet my husband as he closes the door behind him.

--

FIN


End file.
